Hi, it's Ladybug:) I hope anybody reading this is doing well. I made a digital collage today just to do something creative. I've only done it once or twice before. I really liked making it. I'd love to make a section on here for any art I make. Wow, I'm realizing how hungry I am at this current moment. I think life got the better of me this month, as I didn't get to my weekly or monthly goals I talked about in Entry 4. Alas, my homework, my friends, and movies have pleasantly consumed my time. I hold very little regrets about this.
I've been thinking a lot about hope, how it feels inside me. It is something I've always possessed as far back as I can remember. That is something I really love about myself. Despite my numerous failings, I always have something to fall back on. I want to spend my life talking about hope. I want to join with everyone, past, present, and future, who contributes to the imagination of the future where all those who come after us are well-taken care of, loved, and safe from harm. Anyways, I've got lots of ideas for this project and others, so I hope I can carve out some time soon to work on it. Things are going well I think!! I'm cooking up ways to develop and practice the act of loving others and myself. Have a wonderful morning, afternoon, evening, day. My digital collage I made is below :pp (it's heavily inspired by Daisies (1966) and the album below)
Peace, I love you
Listening to: The Day I Saw The Rainbow
Hi, Ladybug here. I'm writing this on a train home, so it might be even more ramble-y than usual. I missed my entry last week since I decided to just focus entirely on my schoolwork. I've been reading All About Love by Bell Hooks, and I think it will lend a lot to the work I'm trying to do here. I just left a conversation with a friend where we opened up about some of our feelings lately, and it made me realize how light I sometimes take my interactions with others, with my friends and family. I regret this, hence my frustration I expressed in my first entry - I want to be a better person to the people around me. I want to spend less time wrapped up in my anxiety and insecurities, and just listen and engage with what is really around me. I think what I'm saying is that I just need to keep on going, and today was a particularly motivating moment, since it made evident to me how it hurts the relationships around me when I obsess over my insecurities rather than face the people I care about with honesty. I don't have any definitive answers for what I can do to overcome these realizations, but I think I'm on the right track to trying to love better and engage with the real world outside of my head and form a real understanding of what community means and looks like. I'm just gonna try to keep up with my goals I discussed last time, and spend some extra time on intentional journalling when I can. The effort is always worth it. No matter how small, it will add up:)
Peace, I love youu
Listening to: Free
Hi, it's Ladybug. Things are going good! I've been thinking about and focusing on small everyday habits that are starting to slowly shift how I feel and see things. I haven't finished the ADHD book yet, but I did write up a comprehensive set of goals for the month of May. I'm sure I will continue to tweak it and perhaps eventually incorporate it onto this website. I think I want to eventually organize this site to discuss creating a meaningful and hopeful life. Or maybe like, how I went about it? I'll go ahead and list the little things I am trying out (and why), some of which are from the goals I've listed previously :)
As for my goals for May, I separated it generally into things I want to try to do daily and then habits that are more spread out through my month, so like things I repeat 4x a month and 2x a month. Besides those, I have my weekly Ladybug check in:) and each week I have different focuses related to confidence. So this first week, I'm starting with my posture. I want to make a conscious effort to draw my attention to my posture and develop strength and comfort in better posture. Hopefully, I will start incorporating this greater consciousness into my daily actions, and can move on to the next. If not, I'll come back to them if I think I need to spend more time on it. Yeah, so that is what I'm got so far for this month and week. I've been pretty successful on finding time to complete these habits and they don't feel too overwhelming. I think I'm starting to feel more effects from them so far, but I think I'll update on my thoughts properly next week to give it some more time.
That felt long haha. Excuse my ramble-y writing. So hopefully next week, I can come up with some ideas on my website and purpose, or at least continue to make it look a bit nicer and functional :p
And also express what I think my habits are doing for my mind and body. I feel like they may not seem super related to like, becoming a better person, but I really think I'm starting to get somewhere by being more patient, and just letting my habits do the work for me while I start to change from the inside out.
Okay, stay cool, peace.
Listening to: Tezeta
Hey, it's Ladybug. I'm a tad bit late for this entry. Also, kind of weird that it was 12:56 at the time of typing the entry date, same as last entry. Things are going well. I was totally unable to stick to crocheting daily. So, that's unfortunate. I think this is all going well though. I'm feeling quite motivated as of late. So I'm gonna keep this short today, and continue on with the same goals as last week. I want to insert, like, a party emoji. I don't actually know how to do that right now so just like, close your eyes for me, and imagine a *whoohoo!* celebration with golden party popper ribbons whatever those things are floating around you. Since I also happen to have about 20 minutes to kill, I shall read a bit on html or something of that sort.
Love u, stay cool and stay safe
Listening to: Pieces of a Man
Hi, Ladybug here. I can't really decide if I want my new entries to be above past entries or if I want them to follow past entries. I'll figure it out, yeah? I sorta lost my way towards the end of this week. Sometimes I just feel like I drift off into an unexplainable line of thinking that is more like an emotion than thinking, and I forget what I'm doing. I think it happened because of this show I'm watching, Atlanta. It's... Just. Yeah. Hard to put into words. Anyways. I think the exercise and daily journaling is really effective. I haven't really made progress on the ADHD book, but I just started classes again so I'm gonna be bad and give myself a pass. I think my weekly goals are going to be the same, but I feel like maybe I can add something new. I think I'll add a daily effort to crochet a bit. I really can't even crochet, I've only just started a beginner video last week. But I have a little kit, to make an elephant. I've been thinking about how the act of creating something does something to the human mind and body, and I'm curious if daily intentional practice will change the way I interact with reality. Something like that. And perhaps I'll work on some html next weekend, we shall see... :p
Life is good, and I have great friends. Stay cool, I heart u
Listening to: I Shall Be Released
Hi, I'm Ladybug. I know next to nothing about html. Hence the state of this website. I don't care. I'm joining the indie web and I'm going to join the movement. Except I have like, a lot of fucking problems. Which are really getting in the way of doing anything real. I guess it's ironic (?) I'm trying to do that by making a website online. Whatever, just a product of my generation, or something, right?
Uh yeah. I guess that's pretty much how I feel right now. I just want to get it right and not harm anyone. I just can't come to terms with the fact that I have to just do it imperfectly. It's really hard when I hate myself.
The purpose of the website is to be a space where I work on being a better person, imperfectly. And I'm just not ready to face the people in my life with all of me. So there it is. As I work on my Ladybug Project, this website will evolve along with me. I hope. I just want to be the person I want to be to the people I love, instead of living my life in regret and disappointment at who I could've been to them. I'm more scared of that then I am of trying.
Okay peace, I love you
Listening to: III. Life: The Biggest Troll [Andrew Auernheimer]
Hiii I think I will use this space below my entries to test out and practice different elements of website building that may perhaps be unrelated to my entries:)